Young Americans Fan Fiction
Wicked Game by Camisha
Title: Wicked Game, Part 6
Author: Camisha
E-mail: camisha_r@yahoo.com
Rating: PG-13
Category: Other - Jake/Ryder
Disclaimer: I think fan fiction writers have claimed collective ownership of these characters, like we’re squatting them or something, but legally they aren’t ours or mine. The song used is “Wicked Game” by Chris Isaak.
Summary: Suppose that during the original 8 episodes Jake and Ryder shared a secret past.
Thanks: To my beta-reader and British-language advisor, Cate, and to Estee who pointed out a major technical error to me since I’ve forgotten a few major details of the original 8 episodes. My kingdom for a VCR.
Feedback: Pretty, pretty please with sugar on top.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
As she made her way through the dorm hallway toward the common room, Jake felt her steps slow. When the common room door came into sight, she stopped walking all together. Hamilton was in there. She knew it. He hadn’t headed in the direction of his house, he didn’t really have any other friends in the dorms, and he sure as hell wouldn’t be in her room right now. Therefore, he was in the Common Room… and she needed to talk to him… but she couldn’t seem to make her feet keep walking.
She couldn’t stand the thought of saying goodbye to him when all she really wanted to do was to beg him not to give up on them. But she was too proud to beg… and too afraid of further rejection. She wanted to go in there and offer him anything to convince him that what they had was “worth it.” But ultimately, she knew she had nothing to offer. She had no brilliant ideas for them to spend more time together in secret. She had no way to convince the entire school that they were not gay. (Even Bella, a girl from town, had heard the rumors, for Christ’s sake.) And she had no way to make Ryder stop tormenting him….
Correction—she had one way. She was leaving and it was time to go tell him. Yet her feet still didn’t want to move.
“Come on, be a man,” she muttered ironically to herself taking a few steps forward. She stopped when she felt tears welling up behind her eyes.
“Come on,” she scolded herself, taking a deep breath to regain her self-control, “boys don’t cry.” She smiled ruefully at the words. How many times had she had to tell herself that during this whole masquerade?
In fact, the first time she had uttered those words had been in this very hallway…
* * * * *
To make me feel this way…
“Boys don’t cry, Jake,” Jake muttered to herself through clenched teeth as she walked slowly down the hallway away from the common room. “Boys do not cry.”
She had thought things were getting back to normal between her and Hamilton—if there had ever been a “normal” to get back to. Having bonded during the recovery of her bike the night before, they were supposed to be friends again. Yet she had just gone into the common room where he and a bunch of other boys were watching wrestling and offered to take Hamilton for a ride on that bike as a way of showing her thanks… and he had completely ignored her.
“Boys don’t cry, Jake,” she repeated as she crossed the lawn her feet moving faster with every step. “Boys do not cry.”
When she reached the woods she broke into a run. A few seconds later, she had reached the “new perfect hiding spot” for her bike. She finally had to privacy to cry if she wanted to, but she didn’t want to, damn it.
“He is so not worth crying over. He’s a jerk. How could he just ignore me like that? He’s supposed to be my friend—Jake’s friend. What if Jake really was gay? Gay people need friends, too. Jake needs friends.” She suddenly realized she was ranting and pacing and made an effort to calm herself. “Okay, schizo, you are Jake… and you’re talking to yourself… probably because you don’t have any friends.”
She sighed and reached for her helmet. If Hamilton didn’t want to go for a ride, she would simply go alone… as usual. Then it occurred to her that she didn’t necessarily have to go alone. She pulled her cell phone from her pocket and dialed the number of another cell phone.
“Hey, luv,” came the smug British voice on the other end of the line. “It’s been less than twenty-four hours. Miss me already?”
“Not in the slightest,” Jake answered briskly. “Where are you?”
“My room. Care to keep me company?”
“In the dorms? Not a chance. I am getting away from this place for a few hours. Would you care to keep me company?”
“It would be my pleasure. My car’s in the East Parking Lot. Meet me there.”
“Thanks, but I’m driving,” Jake informed him in a tone that brooked no arguments. “Meet me at the end of the driveway in ten minutes.” She hung up, slipped her phone back in her pocket and started pushing the bike toward the road.
When she rode up to the end of the driveway, Ryder was there waiting. He looked so good to her at that moment. She smiled as she handed him the passenger helmet. At least someone in this school found her difficult to ignore. He mounted the bike behind her and she took a brief second to savor the feeling of his body settling against hers before she revved the engine and took off.
“So where are we going?!” Ryder shouted over the noise of the wind and motor.
“Anywhere but here!” Jake shouted back.
Just past the New Rawley town limits, Jake slowed and pulled over. Ryder got off the bike and looked at her questioningly as she dismounted and removed her helmet.
“This is as far away as you wanted to get?”
“No, this is as far as I could stand to go without getting rid of this fucking corset,” Jake answered as she slipped off her jacket, pulled up her shirts, ripped off the offending undergarment and pulled the shirts back down. She started to put her jacket back on, but then thought better of it and removed one of her shirts first.
“Feel better?” Ryder asked with a smirk.
“Almost,” Jacqueline responded absently as she searched the pockets of her jacket. She finally produced a small comb and began yanking it painfully through her hair. “Ow, gel! Ow!”
“You alright?” Ryder was finding the whole scene very amusing.
“I am now,” Jake answered as she finished forcing her hair into a more feminine style. “Let’s go.” She started to put her helmet back on, but Ryder put a restraining hand on her arm.
“Hey.” His tone was uncharacteristically gentle and she turned to meet his eyes. “May I ask what happened back there to make you want to get away so badly?”
“You may not.” She looked away.
“Jackie…”
“It was nothing.” Ryder didn’t look convinced. Jake sighed heavily. “I don’t want to talk about it, okay? Especially not with you.”
“And yet, I’m the only one you’ve got in this place…” Ryder reminded her with a smirk. Then his expression softened again. “Seriously, Jackie, you can talk to me… about anything. Even Hamilton…”
“Look, Hamilton’s a jerk, okay? And I said I don’t want to talk about it. I took my bike out to get away from Rawley and to distract myself from thinking about hi—” Jacqueline stopped and swallowed in an effort to fight the sudden constriction in her throat. She was not going to cry in front of Ryder. “…about everyone there. So, you can either stop trying to be all sensitive and help distract me or… or you can just walk home.”
“Alright, alright,” Ryder held up his hands in surrender, “I can distract. By the way, were you always this harsh and ill-tempered?”
Jake smacked him on chest for that comment and then smiled at him to show him she didn’t mean it. “Just shut up and get on the bike.”
Cruising down the open highway and through several small towns with New Rawley getting farther and farther behind her, Jacqueline felt she could breath again for the first time in over a week. And it wasn’t just the removal of the corset. For these moments, she wasn’t hiding and she wasn’t alone. She took a few long deep breaths of appreciation.
A few seconds later, her breath caught in her throat, however, as she felt Ryder’s warm breath against a particularly sensitive spot on her neck. She shivered involuntarily. She barely had time to wonder if it had been an accident before she felt the tip of his tongue on the same spot. Another involuntary shiver. She shrugged her shoulder reflexively to make him stop.
“What are you doing?!” she shouted over her shoulder.
“Distracting you, luv,” Ryder answered seductively, his lips right up against her ear. He gently nipped her earlobe with his teeth.
Unfortunately, his answer had the counterproductive effect of reminding her exactly why she had asked to be distracted. Hamilton’s rejection replayed itself in her mind, making her frown. Hamilton’s a jerk, she reminded herself.
Ryder’s hands were now making their way underneath her shirt. It felt good… and she wanted desperately to feel good at that moment. She made no move to stop him.
Ryder’s a jerk, too, said a cautionary voice inside of her.
True, she answered the voice silently, but he’s a sexy jerk who has great lips and wonderful hands and is eager to remind you that you’re a girl and help you to forget everything else.
She snuggled back against him in acceptance as his hands worked their way higher.
“Fine,” she shouted back, much to Ryder’s surprise. “Just don’t distract me too much until I find a place to pull over.”
She drove through another small town before coming across a deserted picnic grounds on its outskirts. Night was falling and a sign on a rope across the entrance indicated that the park had closed at dusk, but Jake easily steered the bike in through the unobstructed pedestrian path. She pulled to a stop next to a small playground.
A little nervous now that she had actually agreed to be “distracted,” Jake headed for a pair of swings. Following slowly after her, Ryder lit a cigarette. Jake stopped in front of a swing, flipping the seat several times to raise it. She turned, sat down and looked over at Ryder. He was leaning against a large rock about a dozen feet away, watching her intently as he smoked his cigarette. All the anti-smoking campaigns in the world couldn’t change the fact that certain people looked incredibly sexy when they smoked, Jake reflected. She walked herself backwards and launched herself into a swing.
“Wanna swing?” she called to him.
He smirked slightly and shook his head.
“Wanna push me?”
He shook his head again. His eyes followed her swinging form closely. Meeting his gaze, Jake stopped pumping her legs, swinging slower and lower until she finally came to a stop. She started towards him as if in a trance, never breaking eye contact. When she was just a foot away, she reached out and silently took the cigarette from his hand. It was nearly finished. She took one long slow drag and then crushed it out against the rock behind him.
“Want another one?” Ryder asked in a low voice. Steadying herself against the rock, Jake leaned closer. She smiled softly and shook her head before closing the short distance between their lips.
The kiss was good—stimulating and seductive, yet easy and familiar. It should be familiar, Jake thought to herself, he was, after all, the one who basically taught me how to kiss. She settled comfortably against him as they slowly worked their way through well-charted territory, unhurriedly becoming re-accustomed to one another as if they had all the time in the world.
She had always been surprised by how slowly Ryder went with her. With the couple of other experienced boys she had kissed, it always seemed she had barely parted her lips before they were shoving their tongues down her throat and their hands up under her shirt. She typically spent most of the kiss just trying to shove the guy back a couple of inches, leaving no time to even consider whether or not she was enjoying it.
Given that Ryder must have had many times more experience than these other boys, the patience he demonstrated seemed remarkable. Perhaps, Jake reflected, greater experience had taught Ryder to appreciate a kiss as its own event rather than worrying about how to get through and beyond it. Or perhaps he simply had more confidence than other boys in his own ability to make it beyond the kissing. After all, the way he was making her feel at the moment, she doubted she would be asking him to stop anytime soon.
In reality, it was probably all about strategy, Jake decided with sudden cynicism. Experience had undoubtedly taught him that almost any girl’s resistance could be broken down if one went slowly enough.
And here she was, offering more proof of that theory… and enjoying herself far too much in the process. She really ought to stop him, just to teach him a lesson… but she didn’t exactly want things to stop just yet. God, though, she hated the idea of being seduced.
Feeling her body tense with these unpleasant thoughts, Ryder broke the kiss and pulled back slightly.
“What’s the matter?” he asked too solicitously for Jake’s taste.
She frowned at him, trying to gauge his sincerity. Sometimes she couldn’t escape the feeling that his every word and action were no more than strategic maneuvers in some elaborate game he was playing with everyone around him—from whom he remained perpetually detached—and she couldn’t stand to think that she was just a part of that.
“Jackie? Tell me what’s wrong.”
He sounded so nice… and she hated that. She wasn’t about to let herself start believing in his “beautiful lost soul” again. Maybe she ought to kiss him again just to get him to shut up. Then it occurred to her: The easiest way to avoid being seduced would be to do some seducing of her own. Screw reactive, it was time to become proactive.
“You know what?” she answered suddenly with devilishly sexy smile to rival his own. “Nothing’s wrong.” She reached out and began to undo a button on his shirt. “Nothing at all.”
She could tell by his expression as he looked from her hands to her face and blinked a couple of times that she had surprised him with her boldness. She worked to press her advantage by continuing to unbutton his shirt and planting kisses on the skin she was exposing.
“Jackie…” She was thrilled by the uncharacteristically breathless quality in his voice.
“Hmm?” she asked between kisses as her mouth moved lower. “Is there… a problem?”
“God, no… I mean, not in the least… You just…” He seemed to have trouble focusing as she got closer and closer to his waistband. “You seem to have… I mean, this is… Why haven’t we been doing this since you got here again?”
Jake laughed at the loss of his usually polished manner of speaking as she raised her head to look him in the eye.
“You know, I actually have a ton of excellent reasons…” she informed him frankly and was shocked to catch a glimpse of fear in his eyes. Did he actually think she might walk away from him? She paused for a second to make him suffer before continuing, “But I can’t seem to remember a single one at the moment.” She molded her body to his and brought her lips within inches of his. “I seem to be a little distracted.”
“Then by all means, let’s keep you that way,” Ryder responded in typical fashion smiling a bit wickedly as he seemed to regain some self-control.
Jake attempted to tease him, brushing her lips over his only lightly, but Ryder was having none of it. In one swift motion, he pushed himself off the rock and reversed their positions so that he was leaning over her, pressing her back against the cool stone. He slid one of his denim-clad legs between hers and covered her mouth a bit roughly with his own.
If she had appreciated his earlier patience, Jake now had to admit that there was something to be said for impassioned impatience as well. He was kissing her neck now and his hand was sliding up under her shirt… and she couldn’t say that she minded. So much for taking control…
Jake’s eyelids had started to close, but they snapped back open abruptly when she heard the sound of a car on gravel. She looked over Ryder’s shoulder and saw a white police cruiser pulling up to the entrance of the park. The officer got out and started to remove the rope barrier, presumably in order to drive in and make sure that the park was empty.
Jake quickly pushed Ryder off of her and then pulled him down into a crouch to hide with her on the other side of the rock.
“What are you—?” Not having seen anything, Ryder was slightly confused.
“There’s a policeman!” Jake whispered loudly.
Ryder tried to look around the rock.
“No, don’t do that!” Jake hissed, pulling him back. “God, button your shirt!”
“I’m not the one who unbuttoned it,” Ryder reminded her calmly as he started on the buttons. “What’s the big deal anyway?”
“We’re trespassing!” Jake informed him impatiently. “Isn’t that the kind of thing they arrest you for in small towns?”
“How should I know?”
“Well, you’re the shoplifter,” she answered as if it were obvious.
“In London,” he reminded her dryly as he continued with the buttons.
“Whatever. What should we do? He’s probably already seen the bike. Oh, God, he’s going to confiscate it! And he probably doesn’t even watch Felicity!” Ryder didn’t even have time to wonder over the apparent non sequitor because Jake had grabbed his shirt and was demanding: “What are we going to do?”
Ryder shrugged. “Run for it?” he suggested calmly.
She met his eyes and nodded. “Okay. One… two… three… Go!”
They sprung out from behind the rock and dashed for the bike, surprising the officer who had, by this point, entered the park and was driving toward the motorcycle. He braked as Jake was gunning the engine and jumped out of the car to stop them, just in time to be nearly run over by the rapidly fleeing bike. He yelled after them in vain.
As she reached the paved road and turned back towards the town, Jake accelerated slightly. She drove as quickly as she dared through the quiet streets, still not venturing a backward look. When they passed the town limits, she put on more speed.
“Oh my God, I almost hit him!” she yelled to Ryder over the wind noise.
“Yeah, good tactic!” Ryder shouted back. “He was too stunned to get in the car and follow us!”
“So I can slow down?!”
“Yep!”
They rode on in silence for a couple of minutes.
“Jackie, luv?” Ryder spoke close to her ear.
“Yeah?!”
“You haven’t slowed down.” He reached forward to gently cover her hand and ease it off the accelerator a bit as they entered another small town. He felt the rest of her body relax slightly.
“Thanks!” she called back to him, “I guess I was a little tense!”
“Probably just a little extra adrenaline,” Ryder reassured her. “Why don’t we stop here and get something to eat?”
Jake nodded her agreement and pulled over a few seconds later at a diner. As soon as she dismounted from the bike, she started laughing. She tried to stop herself, but found she couldn’t. Ryder looked on in silent amusement. A few seconds later, Jake threw herself into his arms, burying her face in his shoulder as she laughed hysterically, releasing all her pent up tension. Smiling quietly, Ryder held her to him, gently stroking her hair and back until she calmed down.
“Feel better?” he asked tenderly.
She lifted her head to look at him and became mesmerized by the intensity and sincerity of the affection shining in his eyes. She couldn’t speak, she just stared at him. Their lips moved together as if of their own accord. This kiss was neither particularly long nor passionate, but both pulled away from it stunned.
Finally, Jake blinked a couple of times and came out of her trance. She withdrew from Ryder’s arms, then reached out to take his hand and pull him in the direction of the diner’s entrance.
“Let’s go sit down,” she suggested softly.
They installed themselves in a booth, took the menus offered by the waitress and read them in silence. By the time they placed their orders, both were starting to come back to their senses.
“So,” Ryder teased in a not-so-subtle effort to break the tension, “I couldn’t help noticing that, for an innocent young girl, you’re a bloody good kisser….”
She leaned forward and spoke in a low tone as if she were telling him something highly confidential. “Well, you see, last summer, I met this guy in London. Older, British, totally sexy accent, really hot. The quintessential bad boy. And he taught me everything I know.”
“Wow. Sounds like you really fell for him,” he reflected playfully. “I’m jealous.”
“Don’t be.” Jake smiled wryly and gave a dismissive snort. “He actually turned out to be kind of a jerk.”
She smiled and stroked his hand as it lay on the table to let him know she wasn’t too serious, but when he responded, all the playfulness had gone from his voice.
“You know, I’m really sorry to hear that. A girl like you deserves so much better.”
“You’re right, I do,” was Jake’s solemn and unequivocal response. Then her expression softened into an almost shy smile. “But you know what? It looks like I may have found someone better… and I may not even have to give up the sexy accent.”
Ryder smiled back. “Well, I hope it works out for you this time.”
“Yeah, me too.”
There was a silence, but then their food came and they slipped rather easily into less weighty conversation. After they had finished, Jake looked around and noticed that the diner was mostly empty. Even their waitress seemed to have disappeared. An ideal moment to make the gender switch. She excused herself, retrieved her things from the bike and slipped unnoticed into the men’s bathroom.
When she emerged as her alter ego a few minutes later, Jake noticed that several new customers had just come in and that a young waiter, whose shirt identified him as Kevin, had taken their waitress’s place. Ryder had his back to her. She smiled wickedly as she walked up behind him and placed an affectionate hand on his neck, running it up into his hair and then down his shoulder. She bent to place kiss on the top of his head and then the back of his neck, then crossed her arms over his chest as she rested her chin on his shoulder. He covered her hands on his chest with his own, then lifted one to plant a kiss upon it.
“Mmm,” he murmured as Jake kissed his ear. “I take it you’re ready to get out of here, luv?”
Before Jake could answer, the waiter made a rapid approach. “I think that would be a good idea, sir,” he said in a low warning voice.
“I beg your pardon?” Ryder asked in indignant confusion.
“Yeah, is there a problem?” Jake asked. It was when he heard her lowered voice that Ryder finally turned to look at Jake and suddenly understood the entire situation. He scanned the room and saw that the other patrons were all staring or pretending not to stare at them.
“This is a family establishment, gentlemen,” the waiter informed them pointedly.
“Ah yes, you Americans and your family values,” Ryder sneered as he stood and slipped an arm around Jake’s waist. “Funny how so many of you don’t seem terribly inclined to value all the members of your families.”
“Please, sir, there’s no need to make a scene….”
“And what exactly would constitute a ‘scene’?” Ryder asked snidely. “Would that be us refusing to leave? Or would it be us doing this…?” Their audience gasped collectively as he pulled Jake into his arms and kissed her soundly.
When he pulled back, Jake took a quick survey of the other diners and, nodding her head mock officiousness, announced: “Yes, sweetheart, I think that was a scene. I think that definitely constituted a scene.” She turned to consult the silently fuming waiter. “What do you think, Kevin?”
“I’m afraid I’m going to have to insist that you two leave…”
“Don’t you worry, luv,” Ryder watched in satisfaction as the waiter bristled at the endearment, “we were just on our way out.”
He took Jake’s hand and they walked out together, past a pair of older women muttering about how “some people have no shame.” Perfectly aware that they were still being watched through the large windows that faced the street, they stopped next to the bike and kissed for a solid minute.
“I can’t believe that waiter!” Jake exclaimed as they broke apart.
“Oh come on. You were rather asking for it, don’t you think?”
“I was just screwing with you. I thought maybe people would stare a little; I didn’t think they would kick us out. You know, if we actually were gay, I would totally sue them for discrimination.”
“That is such an American thing to say. I’ve never seen a country so obsessed with lawsuits and family values.”
“Actually, lately I’m finding the country does have a few things to recommend it after all…” He reached out to touch her cheek.
“Yeah, yeah… Just shut up and get on the bike,” Jake ordered, shoving the passenger helmet at him.
“Still completely incapable of accepting a compliment, I see.”
Jake ignored the comment as she climbed on the bike and Ryder settled in behind her. As she prepared to start the bike, she turned. “You were great in there, by the way.”
“Yes, well, I’ve always found homophobia to be rather ridiculous,” Ryder said simply.
Jake was smiling as she started the engine and drove away. By the time they got back to Rawley, however, the day’s events had finally caught up with her and she realized she was completely exhausted. Standing in the small clearing where they had stashed her bike, Ryder went to kiss her but was thwarted by a huge yawn. He lit a cigarette instead.
“So I take it you aren’t going to want to come back to my room for a bit?” he asked with some disappointment.
“I’m pretty sure I’d just fall asleep.”
“I wouldn’t mind.”
Jake just rolled her eyes and planted a firm but quick kiss on his lips. “Goodnight, Ryder. You should go on ahead of me. I’ll see you tomorrow after class.” She turned her back on him and made herself busy arranging things on the bike.
“I can wait for you,” Ryder offered.
“What? So you can walk Jake to his door and kiss him goodnight?”
“Right you are. I guess this is goodnight then.”
She knew he was standing behind waiting for her to turn around for one last kiss, but she didn’t need the temptation.
“Just go before I forget how tired I am,” she ordered gently without turning. And before I forget that I really need a little time and space to process all this, she added silently.
He responded to both her spoken and unspoken needs and left the clearing. She followed him a few minutes later, lost in thought, making her way across the dark lawn and into the mostly quiet dorm building. As she passed the common room, she heard the noise of the television and its audience. The scene of Hamilton’s rejection played again in her mind and she was frowning and distracted as she mounted the stairs and started down the empty hall toward her room.
She had just rounded a corner when an arm reached out to pull her into a concealed nook. Before she could cry out, a mouth had covered hers and her body was being pulled up against the hard, warm surface of another. After a tense second, she relaxed against Ryder’s body and began to kiss him back.
Suddenly, the sound of a group of boys on the stairs reached them. They separated quickly and Ryder smiled at her.
“I just wanted to say a proper goodnight, Jackie,” he whispered low and fast. “Sleep well and try not to overanalyze.” With that, he pushed her out into the hall just before the boys rounded the corner.
“Hey, Jake.”
She turned and tried to act natural. “Hey, guys. What’s up?”
“Not much. Just finished watching the game. You look tired, man. Have a busy night?” one boy asked suggestively.
“Can’t complain,” Jake answered with a meaningful lift of the eyebrows, fully aware that Ryder would still be listening. She was at her door turning the key in the lock. “Goodnight, gentlemen,” she added with a touch of what she hoped passed for male arrogance.
As she closed the door behind herself, rapidly divested herself of the corset and prepared for bed, Jake decided it was true—she really couldn’t complain. Firmly resolved not to overanalyze, she fell asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow.
* * * * *
For the next couple of days, Jake saw as much of Ryder as possible without starting rumors. Conversely, she saw as little of Hamilton as possible without being rude. He was unavoidable only at crew and in a couple of classes. She was friendly enough, but deliberately kept her distance…
Until Thursday afternoon, that is, when she saw him on the lawn talking to a red-headed girl. She didn’t even stop to think before she was rushing over to them. Hamilton introduced her rather reluctantly and then the girl, Lena, asked “Jake” if “he” wanted to go to the drive-in with them the following night. Jake knew she should say no, but somehow ended up saying yes. She walked away a few minutes later wondering what the hell she was trying to do … and how the hell she was going to explain it to Ryder.
Jake spent several hours with Ryder that evening, trying silently to work up the nerve to tell him that she was going to the movie with Lena and Hamilton. Unable to think of a way to justify the decision even to herself, let alone Ryder, she ultimately said nothing. Instead, she resolved to simply find Hamilton the following morning and tell him she couldn’t make it.
Yet somehow, in spite of the fact that she spotted Hamilton several times around campus during the day, she couldn’t make herself approach him. Thus, her plans had neither been cancelled nor reasonably justified by the time Ryder called her on her cell phone after classes.
“Good afternoon, luv.”
“Hey. Where are you?”
“I drove into town to buy cigarettes. Where are you?”
“My room.”
“It’s Friday. Why don’t I come pick you up? We can drive to Boston, hit the shops. I’ll buy you a dress and then we can go out to dinner.”
The invitation was so unexpected and sounded so good, Jake didn’t quite know what to say.
“She hesitates,” Ryder noted. “Holding out for shoes? A handbag? Jewelry? It’s all yours for the asking, luv.”
“You know I can’t be bought,” Jake scolded through a smile.
“Ah, but I firmly believe you can be enticed…”
“I admit, it sounds wonderful,” Jake said carefully, trying to sound natural, “but could we make it tomorrow night?”
“Don’t tell me you’re going to stay in and study…”
She wouldn’t lie, she told herself. To lie would be to admit that she felt she was doing something wrong.
“Actually… I sort of have plans…”
“Plans?”
“Uh… yeah. I sort of told… these people… that I’d go to the drive-in with them.”
“People?”
“Yeah… um, this girl… uh, Lena… and, um…”
“Hamilton,” Ryder guessed in a calm and mocking tone that Jake knew he used to hide serious emotion. “You’re going to the drive-in with Hamilton, aren’t you?”
“No, I… we… You see, this girl, Lena, invited me to the drive-in today in front of Hamilton and I… I think she was the type of girl most guys would go for, you know?” Her own words made her feel something suspiciously like jealously, but she brushed the feeling aside. “So, since I am supposed to be convincing people I’m a guy… you know, a straight guy… I thought I shouldn’t say no.” She smiled to herself as she finished, pleased with the reasoning.
“So you’re not going to the drive-in with Hamilton?”
“Well, yeah, he’s gonna be there… but, I mean, it’s not like we’re going to the drive-in together. I mean, God, Ryder, he thinks I’m a guy.”
“And what if he figures out the truth?”
She paused. “Then he’ll probably hate me,” she concluded finally. The thought was far too upsetting and she suddenly became defensive. “Why are you making such a big deal out of this anyway? What if I really did want to go out with Hamilton? Or Lena for that matter? It’s not like you’ve said you don’t want us to see other people…”
“Well I rather thought it wouldn’t be an issue… what with you masquerading as a boy and all…” The words were meant to be humorous, but the tone was loaded.
It was only after he had spoken that Jake realized she had been hoping for another answer—a more honest, more definitive answer of the kind she was beginning to suspect Ryder would never give her.
“Whatever,” Jake’s voice turned icy in an effort to conceal her confused emotions. “Just call me tomorrow… or don’t.” She hung up, threw her phone down on the bed and then threw herself down on top of it.
* * * * *
It wasn’t long at the drive-in that night before Jake had decided she really ought to have gone to Boston with Ryder after all. Awkward didn’t even begin to describe the evening as she, Lena and Hamilton sat in their lawn chairs stealing questioning glances at each other.
It got to be too much for Jake and she decided to escape to the concession stand. She had not yet reached the small building, however, when a familiar back came into view up ahead. Ryder looked as if he, too, were headed for the snack bar, so Jake stopped, quickly deciding that no box of jujubees would be worth the confrontation with him right then.
Half hidden by an SUV, Jake watched as Ryder stopped to say something to a blond girl in a blue truck. She wondered what he was doing there… and with whom he had come. She glanced around for the Corvette, but didn’t see it. She looked back toward the blue truck and winced as the blond girl opened her door into Ryder’s shins and walked off. He muttered something and then turned. She followed his gaze across the lot to where Lena and Hamilton were still sitting in their lawn chairs. She saw Ryder frown and then rapidly scan the lot.
She ducked further behind the SUV to avoid being seen. Was he looking for her? she wondered. Had he come to the drive-in to spy on her? And if he had, what exactly was she supposed to take that to mean? When he turned back toward the concession stand, she headed back to her seat. For whatever reason, Lena had moved to Jake’s chair, leaving the middle seat open. Jake wouldn’t have believed it possible, but somehow things seemed to have become even more awkward in her absence. She sat down and looked between Lena and Hamilton, who both looked pretty annoyed.
“They were out,” she said before deliberately fixing her gaze on the screen.
Unable to get over the feeling that both Hamilton and Lena were covertly staring at her, Jake didn’t take in any of the rest of the movie. It became very clear to her over the course of that hour that the situation with Hamilton—whatever that situation actually was—was impossible.
After an uncomfortably silent walk back to campus, she, Lena and Hamilton stood together on the lawn for a long and painful moment, alternately glancing at and looking away from one other in embarrassment. Finally, Jake could no longer take it.
“I, uh… really have to pee, so I’m just gonna… head back to the dorms… Um… goodnight.” She glanced between Lena and Hamilton one last time and then fled.
Without even stopping back at her room, Jake went to see Ryder. She knocked at the door and he called for her to come in. She found him in bed sitting up against the headboard and smoking a cigarette. He wore only a pair of pajama pants. His chest was bare and his hair was wet from a recent shower. She shut the door behind herself and slipped her corset out from under her shirts, dropping it on the floor before walking over to the bed. She took a cigarette from the pack sitting on the nightstand and lit it.
“Move over,” she ordered as she squeezed in next to him on the bed. They didn’t look at each other.
“How was the drive-in?” His words were slightly slurred.
Jake exhaled heavily. “A root canal would have been less painful and more entertaining,” she responded dryly. There was a silence as they continued their cigarettes.
“So you got my note?” Ryder asked finally.
“No.” Jake turned to look at him, intending to ask him what note, but got distracted watching him exhale, the smoke flowing past his lips and dissolving in the air. It was as sexy as ever. He was as sexy as ever.
He reached across her to put out his cigarette in the ashtray on the nightstand. When he pulled back, their lips were just inches apart. He stretched his neck to kiss her very lightly. She could smell his breath.
“You’ve been drinking,” she commented neutrally.
“You’re very observant.”
“Was that before or after you stopped by the drive-in?” she asked pointedly.
“Very observant, indeed,” Ryder mused. He looked straight into her eyes. “Both, if you must know.”
She paused, giving him a searching look “Why do you do this?” she asked suddenly.
“Why do I drink?” Ryder asked, deliberately misinterpreting her question. “Jackie, luv, what else is one to do on a Friday night in Small Town, USA? If one isn’t taking part in the high drama of the drive-in, I mean…”
Jake sighed again. “You were driving around like this?”
“Not far. Just around town.” He heard another sigh and turned to see that she was frowning. “Oh, enough with the disappointed sighs. Quit trying to be my mother.”
“What should I be, then?” she asked quietly.
She broke eye contact as she turned to put out her cigarette. He still hadn’t answered when she turned back to him. He kissed her instead.
She didn’t protest and they slid down on the bed together. Ryder being fairly inebriated and both being fairly tired, their kisses weren’t very intense. It seemed to Jake that they were intended more as apologies and attempts to reassure each other than anything else. After a short time, they stopped kissing all together and just lay there together—Ryder on his back and Jake curled up against his side. Within minutes, Ryder had fallen asleep.
With her head resting on his chest, Jake listened to his even breathing and slow, steady heartbeat. The gentle rhythm lulled her and she dozed off and on for over an hour before finally convincing herself that she ought to get back to her room. She carefully disentangled herself from Ryder and slipped off the bed. Looking back down on his sleeping form, Jake was moved by his seeming innocence. Beautiful lost soul, she thought to herself.
She walked toward the door and reached down to pick up her corset, which was lying on the floor next to Ryder’s discarded shirt. After arranging the corset, Jake picked up the shirt with the intention of throwing in the laundry hamper. She was overwhelmed by the smell of cheap perfume. The shirt reeked of it. She stood there for a second staring at it, then dropped it and quickly left the room.
Obviously, Ryder hadn’t left the drive-in alone. Or perhaps he hadn’t even gone alone… She felt hurt, more hurt than she wanted to be. She would have preferred to be angry, but what right did she really have? She had just spent the evening with Hamilton, and Ryder likely knew as well as she did that her excuse about wanting to appear interested in Lena was just that—an excuse. If he had been spying at the drive-in, he had probably seen how she hadn’t even attempted to demonstrate any interest in Lena there.
No, Jake concluded, she had no right to be angry. She had reached her room. When she opened the door, she found that a note had been slipped under it. She picked up and unfolded the small piece of white paper, absently closing the door behind her.
Jackie, luv, it read, I’m lonely. I’ll wait up for you.
Want more? Be sure to email Camisha!
Read Camisha's "Goldfish Crackers"